More On Talking to Children
The following is from some sort of lecture Mrs Neu gave that was found on her Mac.
Thoughts to Take Home With You
From birth to going to school, children learn about 20,000 words. The home is the place this learning happens best, through the talking. Usually there are not good talking opportunities in a classroom. Having meals together is considered extremely important for talking time. These days, most parents spend only 15 minutes a day in conversations with their children. Reading stories and talking about them, teaching nursery rhymes, singing songs, all help a child develop talking. Having opportunities to have free play, helps children reconstruct things learned and to use their language skills. Talking with adults helps children learn the meaning of words, develop sequence, etc. Talk about what you are doing, what you see, what you think....
TALK TO CHILDREN IN A NORMAL VOICE: give up baby talk. don’t raise your tone. RAPID HIGH PITCHED SPEECH is hard to hear. Screaming at a child incites fear and they can’t listen well. If this is something you do, Dear Abby has a booklet.
It is important to express anger, being upset, disapproval, clearly and calmly for a child to learn right from wrong and to develop a conscience.
TALK TO children UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. LOOK THEM IN THE EYE, SIT DOWN WITH THEM.
Don't make your children invisible when with you and you are talking to an adult. Don’t talk about their mistakes, misdeeds, etc. to another while these children are listening. Don’t let others do that, like teachers, doctors.... This reinforces the behavior.
Don’t label: this is our child who talks too much...runs everywhere...doesn’t listen...doesn’t eat vegetables. ...
Don’t make your sentences questions with a rise at the end or an added OK? Don’t say "Would you, could you." Don’t imply a choice when there isn’t one. Don‘t give many choices, two is plenty.
Use the word “I” a lot. I want, I need, I think, I saw, I liked....
Use short directions. Give directions up close to the child with eye contact. Use words the child knows. Behave doesn’t tell a child much. Stop harrassing your sister tells much more.
Don’t go on and on and don’t repeat and repeat and repeat.
Beware of power struggles. Train your children so that your “No” is not negotiable and that "Now" is not in 20 minutes. (Be firm, don’t give in.)(Redirect the child, help the child make transitions; give clear expectations; i.e., how long TV can be watched, etc.)
I wouldn’t try to talk through temper tantrums. The child is either tired or frustrated (try a hug or gentle helping hand) OR is trying to get what is wanted. Try redirecting. Sing a known song, read that favorite book, walk away. Calmly express your displeasure afterwards. Think of ways to avoid....
React when your child is disrespectful. Train your child to know what respect is by how you respect your child.
I hope you found this helpful. Here’s my most helpful book. I hope you read and reread it many times: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood, by Selma M. Fraiberg
--------From Barbara Neu
It is important to look children in the eyes.