Remembering Jo Jo White

A friend posted a picture of Jo Jo White on his Facebook feed recently as a memorial marking his recent passing.

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Growing up in California, it’s funny that my father made we into a Boston Celtics fan. We would go see them play the Warriors when I was a kid. And it was fittting that Jo Jo White, the Celtics point guard and for a time my favorite player (what Joe wouldn’t wish they could pull off being a Jo Jo), spent more than a season toward the end of his career with the Golden State Warriors.

The Celtics fandom of my childhood made it as an antedote in Mrs Neu’s, aka Lucy Robertson’s column. There’s no mention of Jo Jo, but I watched him a lot on that new color TV. May they both Rest In Peace.

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Thinking about Sand Pond

For some reason, Sand Pond entered my head. Sand Pond is in the Sierras near where Mrs Neu grew up. She is pictured below in a special spot on the pond. Sand Pond faces the Sierra Buttes, which is a nice hike in the summer (put it on your 2018 places to go list). It is also a beautiful scene in the winter. If the roads are good, this is a detour to think about on your next trip to Tahoe (bring some snowshoes, or think about skis). 

The Letter Writer

Mrs Neu was a letter writer. Even with technology making it easier to text, the handwritten letter still carries weight. 

One of the reasons Mrs Neu liked to write letters is they created a bond between her and the recipient. 

Here is how she described her letter writing in a piece for her writing class:

“I’ve been the letter writer in my family since we moved from the mountains to Stockton when I was 10. I kept up corresponding with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many cousins through the years. There are only a handful of Portola cousins left because so many relatives have died.

But I have added some moved away neighbors of thirty, forty years ago, a couple of college friends, and a dozen school families that have never given me up. I write regularly to five German families we have visited in Germany over the last twenty-five years. They don’t understand my English and I don’t understand their German. I save their letters until I can get one of my sons to translate. At least we know that we are thinking of each other!

When I was sixteen, I wrote to Grandpa Patterson every day for a year. He was in a sanitarium in Glendale, Colorado suffering from TB. Grandma saved the letters in a scrapbook and gave it to me when he died.

Before we were married, I wrote to Dennis almost every day while he was in the army stationed in Germany. Over 1000 letters! Fortunately, he wrote back.

Last week, I got an email from a cousin in Maine. She was putting away her Christmas cards and didn;t see one from me. “Are you ok?” she asked. I think she thought I had died! Though I have only seen her three times, our letters have kept a bond between us.

Now I have been busy sending out Valentine notes. Only thirty-four this year!”

Unfortunately, the bonds break when the life of the recipient or the letter writer ends. But then the letters live on. I wish I had kept more from my mother.  

Living on in Memory

Returning to my brother's apartment in Zürich, the begin and end to our summer vacation trip,  I was struck at how my Mother's presence still could be fealt there. 

She was able to visit my brother in Zürich on multiple occasions and on two of those my family was present as well.  

People do live on in our memory, and in all the places where those memories were made.

Mrs Neu looks over my brother's guest room. 

Mrs Neu looks over my brother's guest room. 

More On Talking to Children

 The following is from some sort of lecture Mrs Neu gave that was found on her Mac.

Thoughts to Take Home With You 

    From birth to going to school, children learn about 20,000 words.  The home is the place this learning happens best, through the talking. Usually there are not good talking opportunities in a classroom.    Having meals together is considered extremely important for talking time.  These days, most parents spend only 15 minutes a day in conversations with their  children.  Reading stories and talking about them, teaching nursery rhymes, singing songs, all help a child develop  talking.  Having opportunities to have free play, helps children reconstruct things learned and to use their language skills.  Talking with adults helps children learn the meaning of words, develop sequence, etc. Talk about what you are doing, what you see, what you think....

TALK TO CHILDREN IN A NORMAL VOICE: give up baby talk. don’t raise your tone.  RAPID HIGH PITCHED SPEECH is hard to hear.  Screaming at a child incites fear and they can’t listen well. If this is something you do, Dear Abby has a booklet.

It is important to express anger, being upset, disapproval, clearly and calmly                              for a child to learn right from wrong and to develop a conscience.

TALK TO children UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.  LOOK THEM IN THE EYE, SIT DOWN WITH THEM.

Don't make your children  invisible when with you and you are talking to an adult.  Don’t talk about their mistakes, misdeeds, etc. to another while these children are listening.  Don’t let others do that, like teachers, doctors.... This reinforces the behavior.

Don’t label: this is our child who talks too much...runs everywhere...doesn’t listen...doesn’t eat vegetables. ...

        Don’t make your sentences questions with a rise at the end or an added OK?  Don’t say "Would you, could you." Don’t imply  a choice when there isn’t one.  Don‘t give many choices, two is plenty.

        Use the word “I” a lot.  I want, I need, I think, I saw, I liked....

Use short directions.  Give directions up close to the child with eye contact.  Use words the child knows.  Behave doesn’t tell a child much.  Stop harrassing your sister tells much more.

Don’t go on and on and don’t repeat and repeat and repeat.

        Beware of power struggles.    Train your children so that your “No” is not negotiable and that "Now" is not in 20 minutes.  (Be firm, don’t give in.)(Redirect the child, help the child make transitions; give clear expectations; i.e., how long TV can be watched, etc.)

        I wouldn’t try to talk through temper tantrums.  The child is either tired or frustrated (try a hug or gentle helping hand) OR is trying to get what is wanted.  Try redirecting.  Sing a known song, read that favorite book, walk away. Calmly express your displeasure afterwards. Think of ways to avoid....

        React when your child is disrespectful.  Train your child to know what respect is by how you respect your child.

        I hope you found this helpful.  Here’s my most helpful book.  I hope you read and reread it many times: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood, by Selma M. Fraiberg

--------From Barbara Neu

It is important to look children in the eyes. 

It is important to look children in the eyes. 

Silver Lake

Another big memory from childhood, was the week we would spend each summer at Silver Lake, staying in the Stockton family camp there. My mother captured this memory in one of her memoir drafts. 

Mom's Vacation

Dennis worked at Stockton Recreational Camp when he was a teenager, so we knew about the camp even though we lived in Davis.  It is situated near Kit Carson Pass next to Silver Lake.  It’s the perfect place for a mom to take a vacation!  Activities are organized for the children during the day, and at dusk, everyone gathers at the campfire to sing.  After that, the lodge is open for bingo or folk dancing or a movie.  Then it's off to the “ cabins- with- just- beds” for the night, with a large bath house down the path. 
        But the greatest mom delight of the camp is breakfast lunch and dinner served in the lodge every day!
       Starting when Jennifer was three, we managed the expense of a week at the lake every year.  Sometimes my sisters came with their families, sometimes cousins came.  We made friends with other campers who would return at the same times we did.  Even when we started traveling through the West in our Volkswagen camper, we would end the summer at Silver Lake for mom’s sake!
       The first years, I had to keep an eye on Jennifer, but the boys had free run of the camp and also  went on hikes and fishing with an adult or two. Jennifer loved playing in the dirt at my feet while I lounged in a chair to catch up on my reading.  She was attached to a piece of blanket ribbon and kept leaving it here and there.  People would bring me a piece they found, dirty and bedraggled. They didn’t know I had packets of the ribbon in my suitcase, and was supplying her with clean snips of it!
       All too soon, Jennifer was old enough to tag along with her brothers or her dad, and I would have two or three hours of uninterrupted time to myself.  Then the large bell would ring and we would all get together at the lodge to eat.  And there were no dishes to do either! 

Judging from this video, it seems like the camp has remained pretty much how my Mom remembers it. 

My Nursery School Memories

On my last visit to see my Mother, I stopped by Davis Parent Nursery School to pay homage to a place that meant so much to me as well as her. 

Going back to where it began . . . 

All three Neu children attended Davis Parent Nursery School.

Plenty to play with inside . . .

. . . but the best childhood memories were outside . . . 

. . . on the best playground ever!
Still pretty much how I remember . . . 

. . . says a student from 1970.

This is my nursery school photo when I attended Davis Parent Nursery School (1970)

This is my nursery school photo when I attended Davis Parent Nursery School (1970)

All because of a special teacher and, according to Mrs Neu, "the wisest, most caring person I have ever known."

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My Nursery School Years

After she retired, Mrs Neu took some memoir writing courses and we were able to retrieve some of her drafts from her computer. This is a starter segment shedding light on her takeaways from Davis Parent Nursery School. 

My Nursery School Years

      Who would have thought that I would get so much out of the years my three children went to Nursery School!  Joseph started out with one year at the age of four.  John was there two years after that, and Jennifer followed with two more years.  That gave ME five wonderful growing years.  I learned how to parent well, and ultimately, learned how to be a better teacher.
         The children were at Davis Parent Nursery School where I was required to be in the class one day a week , followed by a meeting with the director and other participating parents. There was a once a month night meeting with the director, and an adult education class for a semester each year.
       The director was Nora Sterling, the wisest, most caring person I have ever known.
       Nora modeled how to talk to children.  She got down to their level and looked them in the eyes. She was kind and firm.  She used "I" messages  and gave them reasonable choices.  She changed me from teaching curriculum first to putting the children’s needs first.  
       Nora taught me how to use volunteers effectively.  After my nursery school years, I went back to teaching and incorporated parents into my day as much as possible.  First I started a kindergarten at Saint James School and stayed there for four years.  I tried a year as Director of nursery school at the Community Church. Then I started a private cooperative primary school at the community center in Village Homes.  Parent participation was a requirement.  I ran this school for four years too.
       Nora’s influence was with me as I finally became a first grade teacher at North Davis Elementary School and then transferred after four years to Fairfield Elementary School, where I spent twenty-one years .  Fairfield is set up as a parent participation school .  Each family is required to work in the school for three hours a week.  I was in heaven!
      I spent my time using all that I learned in Nursery School!

" . . . the wisest, most caring person I have ever known."

" . . . the wisest, most caring person I have ever known."

Remembering Toy Eater

We are now past the first full week of school vacation here in New York. This column from Lucy Robertson (Mrs Neu) seemed appropriate for the moment. It also calls to mind one of our favorite childhood memories. 

This column points out the importance of teaching children organizational skills as well as taking stock of what they have. Unfortunately, these lessons never really stuck for me well enough--which I am sure is true for many adults. My mother noted …

This column points out the importance of teaching children organizational skills as well as taking stock of what they have. Unfortunately, these lessons never really stuck for me well enough--which I am sure is true for many adults. My mother noted this as well, since her closet and drawers were in worse shape than those of her kids, as she admitted in the column's close. 

I am not entirely sure of the timing, but the narrative about the toys in this column is what likely led to my father's creation of "Toy Eater." Toy Eater was a large creature made out of paper mache, painted purple and that probably stood about 4 feet tall. It had a cone-shaped snout and a large round mouth that served as the receptacle for any stray toys left on the floor. These filled the Toy Eater's large ball-shaped yellow belly until it was time to play again, and we then tipped him over to spill them all back onto the floor. Toy Eater has a special place in our childhood memories. I wish I had a picture of him to share. 

Not sure if my father's version was inspired by Shel Silverstein's "The Toy Eater" poem found in his book Falling Up, or the other way around, but the resemblance is there. 

Sense of Wonder

Keep your sense of wonder alive. That's a lesson of early childhood development that all of us should remember. As I tell my children: don't lose touch with kid world. 

My brother read this "Surviving Parenthood" column at my mother's memorial: 

This column stresses the importance of sharing a wonder moment with a child. It makes the wonder real and allows the child in all of us to see it. 

This column stresses the importance of sharing a wonder moment with a child. It makes the wonder real and allows the child in all of us to see it. 

Surviving Parenthood

One of the great joys (and horrors) we have as children of Mrs Neu is that our lives were often part of her curriculum. 

We are also fortunate that many of our early childhood experiences that we’d otherwise have long forgotten were captured, only somewhat fictionalized, in a column my mother wrote for the Daily Democrat, “Surviving Parenthood,” under the pen name Lucy Robertson, when we were kids.  

Here is one of those columns:

Mrs Neu wrote these columns weekly in the Daily Democrat from 1973-1974 under the pen name Lucy Robertson. This one shows the importance of teachers in a young child's life and why you should say thank you when your child experiences a good one.&nbs…

Mrs Neu wrote these columns weekly in the Daily Democrat from 1973-1974 under the pen name Lucy Robertson. This one shows the importance of teachers in a young child's life and why you should say thank you when your child experiences a good one. 

In a note my mother wrote in gifting me a collection of her columns, she said their purpose was "to entertain and to educate."

"I used information that I had researched on Early Childhood and made my point in a personal way."

My mother liked the fact that no one knew she wrote these columns. Margaret Neu, according to my mother, once sent her a note with a cut out of the column "not knowing that I wrote it."

"Surviving Parenthood" also implies that raising children should not take everything away from your sense of self nor your other important relationships, most especially your relationship with the other parent. 

If my mother had not been a teacher, she might have been an expert advisor and author on early childhood development or she might have been a columnist.