Mom is in Washington

With all the focus on Washington and the new administration, I was reminded of the turbulent political environment that existed when I became politically aware as a child. President Nixon, Watergate and the impeachment hearings were a constant on the television. 

Lucy Robertson, aka Mrs Neu, captured this time in her column: 

“Friday morning one of the news commentators covering the impeachment proceedings on television announced: ‘You are watching one of the most important events in our history.’ And I thank him for that—it helped convince my three angry children, who wanted to watch Captain Kangaroo, that I have a good purpose for sitting entranced in front of the TV.”
— Surviving Parenthood, Mrs Neu's column.

Eventually, Mrs Neu convinced us that Mr Green Jeans wasn't as important.  We let her watch all the talk going on in Washington.

Watching the Nixon impeachment hearings took precedence over Mr Green Jeans.

This even led one of us to say to a friend: "My Mom's not here, she's in Washington."

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Playing in the Street Under Home Rules

When we were kids, many of our activities took place in the street. Fortunately, we lived on a street that did not get much traffic. This column from Lucy Robertson (aka Mrs Neu) shows an interesting parenting tension of having children close to home and in view, albeit playing in the relative danger of the street, versus out of sight at the park.

The advantage of being in front of your home is that "home rules" or the "family's rules" of expected behavior apply. 

“What behavior I expect from my children, I expect from any children who happen to be at my house. I make it clear that everyone is welcome to play and make it clear just what behavior is acceptable to me as it occurs.

So far, no mother has become irate about my sending her child home for unacceptable behavior. So far, no mother has shown any sign of being upset when I’ve requested her child to follow our family’s rules—even when the mother is standing next to me. And so far, the children all like to get together and play here.”
— from Surviving Parenthood, Mrs Neu's 1970's-era column in the Daily Democrat and Davis Enterprise

 

 

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Profiles of Scholarship Recipients

One of the things we would like to do in awarding Barbara Neu Memorial scholarships is to profile recipients. To make this easy, we might have applicants submit profile information with their application. 

The annual newsletter for the Chris Borton Memorial Scholarship Fund does a nice job of profiling scholarship recipients-- both new recipients on their study and life plans going forward and updates on past recipients. 

A 2016 recipient of the Chris Borton Memorial Scholarship

A 2016 recipient of the Chris Borton Memorial Scholarship

The Chris Borton Memorial Scholarship Fund was established to assist University of California San Diego students wishing to study abroad. The scholarship was initiated in 1996, by Chris's good friend and fellow UCSD graduate Mike Scanlin, who proposed the idea of a memorial scholarship to Chris' parents Ray and Verena Borton shortly after Chris' death from cancer.

Through the Education Abroad Program of UCSD, Chris spent a year at the University of Göttingen in Germany, an experience that profoundly influenced the direction of his life. Together with his childhood experiences of living in different cultures and later studies and travels abroad, it made him the world citizen he was.

Now in its 20th year, the Chris Borton Memorial Scholarship has benefited 61 UCSD students. Well done!

A scene from the Georg-August University in Göttingen

A scene from the Georg-August University in Göttingen

As I also participated in the Education Abroad Program, while at UCSB, and also at Göttingen (just after Chris), I can attest to its profound influence. My brother is also an EAP alum (Vienna).

Please visit the Chris Borton Memorial Scholarship Fund website and consider contributing to this worthy cause. 

Another Take on Speaking to Children

Couldn't help but thinking about Mrs Neu's take on speaking to children, when reading this in The Wall Street Journal: 

“We say these things to ensure that our children feel loved, encouraged and secure and also to instill self-control and manners. But how do our good intentions translate?

The problem is that at its core, this way of speaking is all about control. We use it to tell our kids what we want them to say (“Say sorry!”); how we want them to feel (“You’re OK!”); what we want them to do (“Behave yourself!”); and what will happen if they don’t (“Do you want a timeout?”).

In other words, parentspeak is about compliance—and that often keeps us from understanding the feelings, motivations, thoughts and behavior of our children. Rather than teaching them to communicate and problem solve, we are essentially teaching them to obey.”
— The Wrong Way to Speak to Children, by Jennifer Lehr, WSJ, January 6, 2017
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Happy New Year, 2017!

The Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship Fund starts the new year some $2,000 richer, with some appreciated year-end donations. Thank you!

This sets the tone for a Happy New Year, which we wish all of you too. A busy end of 2016 got us off-track with setting up the scholarship committee, but we hope to get this fixed, starting this month, by establishing the selection criteria.

We absolutely will award a scholarship in 2017. 

 

Out with 2016

2016 has been a tough year. The string of celebrity deaths that have only seemed to accelerate as the year races to a close, underscores this sentiment.  

To give the year its due, I know plenty of people have had a great 2016. Even for me, it's made for a number of good memories.

None are enough, however, to overcome the loss of my mother, Mrs Neu. 

Bring me a fresh calendar . . . and a happy new year for everyone.

 

Bring on 2017

Bring on 2017

It's a Time for Giving . . .

It's the holiday time for giving. If you are considering making charitable donations before year-end, don't forget the Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship Fund. It's a great cause supporting alumni of Fairfield Elementary School in Davis, CA - plus it's tax deductible. 

If you cannot make a monetary donation, share some joy with someone special to you. Mrs Neu would encourage it. 

Sometimes it's nice to give big!

Sometimes it's nice to give big!

I am making my year-end donation to the fund, and I hope you will join me. 

To donate, click on the button below that links to the Sacramento Region Community Foundation site donation page. Under “Please use my donation for,” there is a pull-down menu and you should select the YCF-Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship fund.

If you wish to donate by check, make it payable to YCF-Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship and mail it to: 

Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship Fund of Yolo Community Foundation
c/o Sacramento Region Community Foundation
955 University Avenue, Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95825

No matter what you are giving this holiday season and to whom, even if it's a joy or a warm thought honoring the legacy of Mrs Neu, the Neu family wishes you, 

Happy Holidays and Joyous New Year!

The Joy of a Christmas Tree

Mrs Neu as Lucy Robertson captured the magic and joy of the Christmas tree that grows to overwhelm any room and is much more fun than television. 

 "The tree seemed to have grown on the way home because when we brought it inside the house, it was HUGE....And we've been enjoying sitting by tree-light singing songs and telling stories. The children think it's much more fun than watching television!"

 

From Surviving Parenthood, Mrs Neu's column. 

From Surviving Parenthood, Mrs Neu's column. 

Places of Memory

On a business trip this week to San Francisco, I felt compelled to return to the Intercontinental Hotel. Here we celebrated New Year's Eve with my mother a bit less than a year ago. 

At the time, we were still hopeful...but somehow we knew it could well be the last such memory in a place like this.

The physical connection to memory gives place a new meaning. 

 

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Santa Claus is Coming

With Thanksgiving comes the start of the endless parading in of Santa Claus. It hardly waits for Thanksgiving now. Mrs Neu, as Lucy Robertson, lamented how Santa had been done in by over exposure even when we were kids in comparison to her childhood experience. 

"It was so easy to believe in Santa when I was a child. I never saw him." 

 

Santa Claus was better left unseen

Santa Claus was better left unseen

Music Appreciation

Mrs Neu always claimed she could barely carry a tune, but she still had a great appreciation for music and music education. She was always very supportive of her children engaging in musical pursuits. The same could be said of her grandchildren. 

Here, grandson Evan performs in the regional Westchester all-star symphony orchestra on the bassoon.

Mr Neu at Shanghai Disneyland

As noted, Mr Neu came to China with me in conjunction with my Asia CFO meeting at Shanghai Disneyland. This was the first time he actually sat in on one of my meetings. And, as he informed the group in his impromptu remarks during the opening session: "[He] never really knew what I did for a living before this."

It was nice for him to see this. My work bringing together finance executives for knowledge exchange is not too far removed from teaching, which is what both my parents knew best and did well. 

It Should be No Choice to be Raised as an Adult

Mrs Neu was big on teaching right from wrong and saw this as inherent in being put on track to becoming an adult. While this was the job of a parent to teach in her view, unfortunately, not every parent models good adult behavior. This was the subject of the following note she left behind entitled "No Choice."

Knowing right from wrong makes you not this

Knowing right from wrong makes you not this

 

If becoming a grown up were a choice, I would be very busy right now, sending notes to a lot of people I know saying “It’s Time!! Choose now!

Unfortunately, becoming an adult is a long involved process; not a quick fix.

      Some fifty years ago, my favorite child psychologist wrote that babies are born basically animals and it is the training of parents, church, community, that turns them into civilized human beings.  If the training isn’t done, we wind up with full grown human animals. It is scary to me that I see so many of these self centered people who have no self control.

      One of the biggest factors in making people civilized is the development of the conscience. Having a sense of what is right  and feeling remorse and guilt when doing wrong should be intrinsic to being adult.   

Having values, respect, and concern for others, isn’t a developmental thing,    but rather is brought about by the approval or disapproval of the parent. If the parent doesn’t scold or correct, if the parent never punishes or objects, a child has no guidelines.  Lucky for me, my parents were very quick to help me know what was what! 

      Being grown up is so intrinsic to who I am, I can’t seperate out an event  that shows me being adult--I just AM.

 

 

 

 

Family Coordinator

Writing as Lucy Robertson, Mrs Neu highlights the role of "Family Coordinator" and its importance in comparison to a "Housewife." A family coordinator is someone who helps a family interact together in a smooth and harmonious way. 

“My new term clearly covers the various aspects of the job from the cleaning and cooking for the others, to the sympathizing with their hurts. The term emphasizes that I am working with a vital institution of society: the family, and seems to stress that I am making a serious and important contribution by doing so.”

Anyone else want to be a Family Coordinator?

Stealth Speech Therapy

Mrs Neu learned to use poems and other teaching tricks to help children with speech problems without having to send them out of the classroom for speech therapy. She figured this out by observing Birch Lane Speech Teacher Karen Larrsen and reading Talking Time, a book by Louise Binder Scott and J. J. Thompson.

“It was obvious to me that as a classroom teacher I could easily facilitate practice in hearing a particular sound and could give opportunities to use these sounds without ever having to single out students with speech problems. ”

Here is the first poem she did:

Seven
Silly
Sad
Sisters
Sat
   in the sunshine
   in a circle
Sobbing
Sighing
Singing
   this sad silly song (the song is a speech practice circle):