Mrs Neu at the 9/11 Memorial in New York City (November 20, 2011)
A Lesson for Picky Dinner Eaters
Getting back into the school routine compresses time for making and eating dinner. The structure of school may also prompt children to indulge their want to be picky eaters at home. It’s a nightmare.
Mrs Neu confronted this with her grandkids, and it prompted her to write about what dinner was like for her as a child. Mrs Neu grew up in a small, railroad town in the Sierras called Portola.
When I was a child, there was no concern about what I wanted to eat. Dinner was prepared and I came to the table and ate. Sometimes we ate breakfast for dinner because Dad was getting up from a day of sleeping and going off to work on the railroad. Sometimes we ate dinner in the morning because he was just coming home. When Dad was gone, my sisters and my mom and I would often eat over at a relative’s house. And of course, we ate every Friday dinner at Grandma Patterson’s house, and Sunday dinner at Grandma Joy’s.
The food was served up in bowls and passed around the table. My sister’s and I helped ourselves and ate.
Maybe there was so much going on with the people at the table that the food wasn’t important. We were too busy visiting to care what was served. We also didn’t have the opportunity to snack so we were truly hungry.
There is probably a lesson in her remembrance of dinner as a child:
- Don't make what's for dinner a choice
- Mix things up
- Make dinner social
- Cut back on snacks so your child is truly hungry for dinner.
Back to School Means Time for New Opportunities
Lucy Robertson (aka Mrs Neu) knew that back to school time opened up time for new opportunities. After the strain of getting children (back) into the school routine and the fear of replacing the experience of having to be there for them, there is the opportunity for new experiences. It is true for the stay-at-home mom, for sure, but at the margin it surely is the same for one working outside the home (or a dad). This is is something to keep in mind at this time of year: How schools are an aid to surviving parenthood.
Use your child's embrace of new experiences at school to embrace new opportunities yourself.
Now appearing on the Fairfield Elementary home page.
Thanks for Making a Place for Mrs Neu
Thanks to the Fairfield Elementary web page (and its webmaster) for making a place for honoring Mrs Neu and The Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship.
Back to School at Fairfield
Fairfield Elementary students are back to school, with the first day of school last Wednesday, August 24. According to Fairfield teachers Mrs. Ryan and Mr. Defty:
“The first day of school was wonderful, happy children working and playing. Thanks to everyone who made the day such a success. Special shout out to Caitin McCalla, our social coordinator and of course to Mrs. Armstrong! ”
Students received a special visit from recently hired Davis Joint Unified School District Superintendent John Bowes, who spent the first day of school making the rounds at several schools. Fairfield was honored with a visit in recognition of its 150th Anniversary year. According to the Davis Enterprise, Mr. Bowes arrived during student recess:
“The joy and exuberance of kids being able to be kids on a school playground is an important component of every school day.”
The superintendent went from the smallest campus in the district (Fairfield) to the largest, Davis High, on Wednesday, which is perhaps an appropriate metaphor for our effort to support Fairfield students on their journey into the larger world.
Sounds like a busy day at Fairfield, and an exciting opening week. This is why Fairfield teachers have recommended "regular bedtimes," which "are very important and will help your child be a productive, cheerful student." They also recommend a "relaxing weekend" and "lots of TLC."
And don't forget the Ice Cream Social next Thursday!
We've Reached the Fund Goal!
The Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship Fund has now received $30,790 in donations, exceeding our goal of $25,000! This means we have reached the level needed to launch the endowed fund and begin offering scholarships. We are very excited and thankful for all the support we have received.
A special thanks goes out to my brother, John Neu, who matched the generous donations made by others to date and also received a matching gift from his employer's charitable giving program. This puts our fund balance at $30,794.26 as of Friday.
We will, of course, continue to seek and accept donations to build up The Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship Fund. The more donations we receive for the fund, the more we will be able to grant each year.
But now the fund work begins! Our next step is to put together a selection committee and establish the criteria and other details for the scholarship. We will keep you posted.
Thank you!
Living on in Memory
Returning to my brother's apartment in Zürich, the begin and end to our summer vacation trip, I was struck at how my Mother's presence still could be fealt there.
She was able to visit my brother in Zürich on multiple occasions and on two of those my family was present as well.
People do live on in our memory, and in all the places where those memories were made.
Mrs Neu looks over my brother's guest room.
Traveling and Mrs Neu
My Mother was always supportive of traveling, especially to visit family. I was reminded of this as we arrived in Germany to meet up with our last remaining blood relative there, my father's cousin Jürgen. He is seen below with the niece (Sybille) of my great uncle Rudi (husband of my father's maternal aunt) and her husband (Wolfgang). They all came to meet us in Berlin.
Jürgen (center) with Sybille right and Wolfgang far left.
More On Talking to Children
The following is from some sort of lecture Mrs Neu gave that was found on her Mac.
Thoughts to Take Home With You
From birth to going to school, children learn about 20,000 words. The home is the place this learning happens best, through the talking. Usually there are not good talking opportunities in a classroom. Having meals together is considered extremely important for talking time. These days, most parents spend only 15 minutes a day in conversations with their children. Reading stories and talking about them, teaching nursery rhymes, singing songs, all help a child develop talking. Having opportunities to have free play, helps children reconstruct things learned and to use their language skills. Talking with adults helps children learn the meaning of words, develop sequence, etc. Talk about what you are doing, what you see, what you think....
TALK TO CHILDREN IN A NORMAL VOICE: give up baby talk. don’t raise your tone. RAPID HIGH PITCHED SPEECH is hard to hear. Screaming at a child incites fear and they can’t listen well. If this is something you do, Dear Abby has a booklet.
It is important to express anger, being upset, disapproval, clearly and calmly for a child to learn right from wrong and to develop a conscience.
TALK TO children UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. LOOK THEM IN THE EYE, SIT DOWN WITH THEM.
Don't make your children invisible when with you and you are talking to an adult. Don’t talk about their mistakes, misdeeds, etc. to another while these children are listening. Don’t let others do that, like teachers, doctors.... This reinforces the behavior.
Don’t label: this is our child who talks too much...runs everywhere...doesn’t listen...doesn’t eat vegetables. ...
Don’t make your sentences questions with a rise at the end or an added OK? Don’t say "Would you, could you." Don’t imply a choice when there isn’t one. Don‘t give many choices, two is plenty.
Use the word “I” a lot. I want, I need, I think, I saw, I liked....
Use short directions. Give directions up close to the child with eye contact. Use words the child knows. Behave doesn’t tell a child much. Stop harrassing your sister tells much more.
Don’t go on and on and don’t repeat and repeat and repeat.
Beware of power struggles. Train your children so that your “No” is not negotiable and that "Now" is not in 20 minutes. (Be firm, don’t give in.)(Redirect the child, help the child make transitions; give clear expectations; i.e., how long TV can be watched, etc.)
I wouldn’t try to talk through temper tantrums. The child is either tired or frustrated (try a hug or gentle helping hand) OR is trying to get what is wanted. Try redirecting. Sing a known song, read that favorite book, walk away. Calmly express your displeasure afterwards. Think of ways to avoid....
React when your child is disrespectful. Train your child to know what respect is by how you respect your child.
I hope you found this helpful. Here’s my most helpful book. I hope you read and reread it many times: The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood, by Selma M. Fraiberg
--------From Barbara Neu
It is important to look children in the eyes.
Children Are Listening
As noted, Mrs Neu learned a lot from Nora Sterling at DPNS. One of the key things she learned from Nora is how to talk about, talk to and talk with children. Here is an excerpt about this from her memoir draft.
I participated in the [DPNS] program weekly with Legend, Nora Sterling. Not only did she help train me to be an effective parent, she changed my way of teaching forever. I had taught first grade 5 years before I had children--she helped me know that the relationships I had with my students was far more powerful than the curriculum. She helped me learn how to talk about, talk to, and talk with children. Over the years, classes I took, and the reading I did confirmed her wisdom. I have spent almost fifty years working with children ages four to seven and I am going to share some of our wisdom.
A special event happened last week right outside the school when I came to pick up my neighbor's little boy, I was standing under the overhang out of the rain with another mother who was holding about a two year old. Another mother came in and greeted both me, the mother and the little boy. She proceeded to have a conversation with them both.
This is far from the norm. I have often noticed how many times a child seems to be invisible in a conversation.This can be a serious problem when an adult talks about their child as though the child can't hear, or about another child as if a child present is not listening. "My child just won’t eat vegetables," they might say, "I try and try but it can’t be done." The listening child is thinking, no vegetables for me.
It is very important to be careful what you say about your listening child. Don’t let the child be invisible. If you are meeting with a teacher, or a doctor about problems, don’t discuss these problems unless the child can be included in the conversation, or, if not, ask to speak together without the child there. ALWAYS BE AWARE that a near child could be listening to you talk. What are your words telling the child?
More on talking to children to come ...
Silver Lake
Another big memory from childhood, was the week we would spend each summer at Silver Lake, staying in the Stockton family camp there. My mother captured this memory in one of her memoir drafts.
Mom's Vacation
Dennis worked at Stockton Recreational Camp when he was a teenager, so we knew about the camp even though we lived in Davis. It is situated near Kit Carson Pass next to Silver Lake. It’s the perfect place for a mom to take a vacation! Activities are organized for the children during the day, and at dusk, everyone gathers at the campfire to sing. After that, the lodge is open for bingo or folk dancing or a movie. Then it's off to the “ cabins- with- just- beds” for the night, with a large bath house down the path.
But the greatest mom delight of the camp is breakfast lunch and dinner served in the lodge every day!
Starting when Jennifer was three, we managed the expense of a week at the lake every year. Sometimes my sisters came with their families, sometimes cousins came. We made friends with other campers who would return at the same times we did. Even when we started traveling through the West in our Volkswagen camper, we would end the summer at Silver Lake for mom’s sake!
The first years, I had to keep an eye on Jennifer, but the boys had free run of the camp and also went on hikes and fishing with an adult or two. Jennifer loved playing in the dirt at my feet while I lounged in a chair to catch up on my reading. She was attached to a piece of blanket ribbon and kept leaving it here and there. People would bring me a piece they found, dirty and bedraggled. They didn’t know I had packets of the ribbon in my suitcase, and was supplying her with clean snips of it!
All too soon, Jennifer was old enough to tag along with her brothers or her dad, and I would have two or three hours of uninterrupted time to myself. Then the large bell would ring and we would all get together at the lodge to eat. And there were no dishes to do either!
Judging from this video, it seems like the camp has remained pretty much how my Mom remembers it.
My Nursery School Memories
On my last visit to see my Mother, I stopped by Davis Parent Nursery School to pay homage to a place that meant so much to me as well as her.
Going back to where it began . . .
All three Neu children attended Davis Parent Nursery School.
Plenty to play with inside . . .
. . . but the best childhood memories were outside . . .
. . . on the best playground ever!
Still pretty much how I remember . . .
. . . says a student from 1970.
This is my nursery school photo when I attended Davis Parent Nursery School (1970)
All because of a special teacher and, according to Mrs Neu, "the wisest, most caring person I have ever known."
My Nursery School Years
After she retired, Mrs Neu took some memoir writing courses and we were able to retrieve some of her drafts from her computer. This is a starter segment shedding light on her takeaways from Davis Parent Nursery School.
My Nursery School Years
Who would have thought that I would get so much out of the years my three children went to Nursery School! Joseph started out with one year at the age of four. John was there two years after that, and Jennifer followed with two more years. That gave ME five wonderful growing years. I learned how to parent well, and ultimately, learned how to be a better teacher.
The children were at Davis Parent Nursery School where I was required to be in the class one day a week , followed by a meeting with the director and other participating parents. There was a once a month night meeting with the director, and an adult education class for a semester each year.
The director was Nora Sterling, the wisest, most caring person I have ever known.
Nora modeled how to talk to children. She got down to their level and looked them in the eyes. She was kind and firm. She used "I" messages and gave them reasonable choices. She changed me from teaching curriculum first to putting the children’s needs first.
Nora taught me how to use volunteers effectively. After my nursery school years, I went back to teaching and incorporated parents into my day as much as possible. First I started a kindergarten at Saint James School and stayed there for four years. I tried a year as Director of nursery school at the Community Church. Then I started a private cooperative primary school at the community center in Village Homes. Parent participation was a requirement. I ran this school for four years too.
Nora’s influence was with me as I finally became a first grade teacher at North Davis Elementary School and then transferred after four years to Fairfield Elementary School, where I spent twenty-one years . Fairfield is set up as a parent participation school . Each family is required to work in the school for three hours a week. I was in heaven!
I spent my time using all that I learned in Nursery School!
" . . . the wisest, most caring person I have ever known."
$10,640 and Growing . . .
The fund has received $10,640 and continues to grow. Thank you for your support!
If you would like to add to the fund, please click the donate button, which will take you to the Sacramento Region Community Foundation online donation form. Select the YCF-Barbara Neu Memorial Scholarship Fund from the "Please use my donation for:" drop down list. Every bit helps.
Support the continuing education of Fairfield alumni!
Fairfield Elementary School Art Walk
I was reading the newest edition of the Davis Visitors' Guide published by The Davis Enterprise during the last week and I noted its promotion of "Art walks/Public art" in Davis:
“One way Davis likes to liven up its landscapes and neighborhoods is through public art. Playful sculptures, functional pieces like a wall or a clock, and much more adorn the downtown area, shopping centers, parks, greenbelts and buildings throughout Davis.”
Missing from their opening paragraph above is a call out of art adorning Davis schools. Fairfield Elementary School is a great example. So, following in the footsteps of the Davis Transmedia Art Walk referenced in the Davis Visitors' Guide, I bring you the Fairfield Elementary School Art Walk below.
Remembering Toy Eater
We are now past the first full week of school vacation here in New York. This column from Lucy Robertson (Mrs Neu) seemed appropriate for the moment. It also calls to mind one of our favorite childhood memories.
This column points out the importance of teaching children organizational skills as well as taking stock of what they have. Unfortunately, these lessons never really stuck for me well enough--which I am sure is true for many adults. My mother noted this as well, since her closet and drawers were in worse shape than those of her kids, as she admitted in the column's close.
I am not entirely sure of the timing, but the narrative about the toys in this column is what likely led to my father's creation of "Toy Eater." Toy Eater was a large creature made out of paper mache, painted purple and that probably stood about 4 feet tall. It had a cone-shaped snout and a large round mouth that served as the receptacle for any stray toys left on the floor. These filled the Toy Eater's large ball-shaped yellow belly until it was time to play again, and we then tipped him over to spill them all back onto the floor. Toy Eater has a special place in our childhood memories. I wish I had a picture of him to share.
Not sure if my father's version was inspired by Shel Silverstein's "The Toy Eater" poem found in his book Falling Up, or the other way around, but the resemblance is there.
Happy 4th of July Weekend!
Wishing everyone a happy and safe July 4th weekend.
Scenes from Davis Fireworks, July 4, 2014
Thanks to the Fairfield Elementary School PTA for Your $2,000 Donation
We received a nice surprise note via Facebook this week from Greg Moffitt, the incoming president of the Fairfield Elementary School PTA:
“We just had the final PTA meeting of the year and voted to make a donation to the Mrs. Neu Fund in the amount of $2,000. We also decided that making donations to the Fund should become an annual part of our school Auction so that we can help sustain this scholarship. We are forever grateful to the legacy Mrs. Neu created at Fairfield and we hope to keep her spirit of generosity and compassion going.”
The Mrs Neu fund would like to thank Greg and the entire Fairfield Elementary School PTA for your generous donation (Greg sent a picture of the letter and check above in follow up) and offer of ongoing support to the Fund. Having the PTA supporting the Fund is a tremendous milestone for our effort to memorialize Mrs Neu and support the alumni of the wonderful school she loved so dearly. We are truly grateful.
Pence Gallery Endowment
Congratulations to the Pence Gallery on their 40th Anniversary and establishing their endowed fund. According to this article in The Davis Enterprise, a significant contribution from Bob and Joanne Andresen, the largest donation the gallery has received, coincides with the launch of Pence's "The Art is Essential" endowment.
“The couple said they recognize the commitment the Pence has made to the community, providing free admission to art exhibits and educating children through the ArtSmart program.”
ArtSmart is part of the Pence Gallery's education outreach, making Pence a field trip destination for school groups. The program emphasizes engaging students in exploring the world through hands-on experiences, learning about the art on display with a docent and then putting what they have learned to work with their own ideas in an art project.
It is nice to see art in Davis being supported and by people who recognize the value of art in a child's life. A nice 40th anniversary gift, too.
The Longest Day
As summer begins with the longest day of the year (summer solstice), it seemed appropriate to showcase this column from Lucy Robertson (aka Mrs Neu).
This column highlights the length of the workday for a mother. Any quality tactic to shorten that workday is thus worth considering. If you make a plan, you have to stick to it, however.